Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
