May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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