I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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