theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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