Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
