I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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