apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
