There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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