I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
