Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We're too hungover to prance.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
