Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
