I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
