Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
