I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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