Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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