dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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