Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
