So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
