$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
