i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
