I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Mom said you looked used
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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