A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
