There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm at about main and main street
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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