Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
