btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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