I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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