thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
