Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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