dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
