i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
