I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
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Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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Well puke fest 2014 just happened
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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