went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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