Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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