So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
