non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
