he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
