I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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