hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
