i permit you to call me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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