You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
