it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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