remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
