I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
