I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
