My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
