I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
