Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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