Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
