I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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