i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
