in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
