i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
