"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I want a musical about memes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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