sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
