I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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