At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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