What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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