Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
