it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Alive.
So much puke
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
