just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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