We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
