Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
