I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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