Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize