Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
