I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
