wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
