EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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