She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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