FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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