i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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