the condom got lost in my hair
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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