New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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