in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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