it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
