hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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